Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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