Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just found puke in my bra..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
