guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
