Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
