i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
