I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
