I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
