Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
