I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
