I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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