my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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