your parents love me but you hate me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
