Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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