The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
