If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
