I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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