hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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