so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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