Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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