My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
