I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
