I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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