we made out on top of his cat.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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