I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
