I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
