I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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