i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
