If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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