At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
