4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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