Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
