I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He better not be in your backpack
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
