I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
