Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
