She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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