I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
