Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
