is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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