3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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