i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
