false alarm. still invincible.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
