is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
