the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
