The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
