I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
