I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I want her autograph on my taint
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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