just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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