My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
