My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
