i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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