Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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