I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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